What is a Yoni exactly?

I lean now into the Sanskrit definition, which means both womb and vessel, a chalice of creation, creativity & birth. It is the Yoni also, or I should say the womb here, that houses our innermost divinity, our Shakti, for healing & movement in the world. Shakti is a force, a power, and when our womb is leaking or tense, this power becomes distorted, distracted, discombobulated, disconnected and discontent.

Tension in the womb creates a smothering of Her Energy, our Inner and Outer Divinity. Incontinence in the womb creates a leak. (Thank you wise yogini Shari Friedrichson for this clarity!) The right use of my energy in this particular morning then, was to continue to lay in bed and explore more relaxation (stretching while supine, engaging muscles that ‘contain’ while still relaxing), balancing prana (nadi shodanam with holds after the inhale to really feel a re-distribution of breath & prana) & finally my (in my opinion incredibly healing) japa meditation (yes, still lying down). 

In this completely relaxed, supine condition I was able to go deep, really open and truly reflect. The anxiety I often wake up in the morning with I had thought, was all about time. It was an anxious feeling of running out of time. And yes, this is true. Every day I get older, every breath I take brings me closer to the finish line. So I have worked with this knowledge that I too, hold the fear of ‘death’ and it lurks in my subconscious. But what I realized was my tendencies, my habit patterns, continue to perpetuate this fear, by constantly running around, over-committing and moving moving moving myself from one place to the next.

Just the simple act of not getting out of bed helped me to realize that it is not just running out of time but feeling I am running out of Prana! And how necessary it is to go within, breath deep down, let go let go, slow down and feel, the collection of prana in my womb reclaimed. This, is reclaiming divinity-in-action.

So today’s tender morning moment was such a sacred gift, juicy and illuminating. I was able to go deep into the source of my discontent to find answers unraveling from within my tissues as each fold opened, breathing sighs to release and let go. 

There is still a deeper issue in all of this reflection and womb-centered awareness. It is the idea, or the knowing of the sacred womb. Why is the womb sacred? I suppose to begin with, it is where we house our vital organs, our ability to continue the human race. It is also the innermost sanctum from which most of the Hindu temples were built. They knew where Shakti was concentrated! They also knew the womb/innermost sanctum needs space as well as strong layers of boundaries!!

I absolutely love all things woman and have made it a passionate path of purpose to work with women & bring the sacred back to the womb in my healing practice and retreats. As a woman though, I have often felt the imbalance of energies as a forgetting of the sacred and a deep drive to move about hustling and bustling to make ends meet in the world. This ‘drive’ more often aligns me to my masculine tendencies than the soft feminine of opening and allowing. 

This drive perpetuates a disconnected feeling, allowing the sweetness that is the Whole Self, the secret feminine parts hide away, and the vulnerable sweet spot that is my womb, ignored. Why? Because the masculine is stronger and radiates outwardly, therefore is dominant in our culture. This masculine force takes over inside of me and knows it can get the job done! 

There is also history of abuse, personal and collective. Me, like hundreds of thousands of billions of women across the world have had a visceral life experience of deep trauma in this body, related to the womb. At first the trauma may begin when we are innocent, open, lacking boundaries and full of trust. Sometimes we are in a very literal place of having no control. If these wounds aren’t healed properly and the sacred not restored back to the innermost sanctum of our being, a vulnerability sets in that creates excess hardness and unintentional leakage. 

Women (including myself) in these cases may feel responsible for perpetuating feelings of not being in control by not being able to speak up for themselves or set good boundaries. “Do we deserve this?” I think not but deep down there is often a sense of punishment and guilt. “Do I not feel myself worthy?” I feel this may be true for too many, ingrained in mass consciousness. How can we support the collective healing that brings back the sacred to the womb, letting our bodies release the tensions that are perhaps so deep, that even with focused awareness it is taking up so much time, love, support and energy.

I know a big issue today is the pelvic floor, the lower ‘hammock’ of our sacred womb. I have a handful of clients, friends & colleagues, currently dealing with very similar issues, pelvic floor dysfunction or pain, anxiety, low self worth or boundaries, leaky energy…. Histories of rape & abusive relationships are a common thread. A solid spectrum of individuals from all cultures and classes with one commonality of say, their pelvic floor has tensed up, is on fire, sexual intercourse is painful..and they are trying everything and it is NOT WORKING. This is wild. It is not only a menopausal thing anymore, it is becoming endemic to women and men everywhere. 

So, how to heal the body and honor what is sacred? How can we bring back the divine and let it fill our bodies to the womb? What is sacred, what is divine, seems like an age old question these days, feeling to me as if the question itself brushes repeatedly against a strong current of modern day, materialism resistance. The word hustle means both to “move hurriedly and unceremoniously in a specified direction” it is also “to obtain by forceful action or persuasion, a fraud or a swindle.” 

Has our current day hustle ignored the obvious? That life is to keep one busy, yet not really living real but fraudulent realities? Many feel guilty or awkward to put themselves first and to take time for loving the body but I risk here asking…let all of the wise radicals please please, take the front line. Let us be pioneers for the sacred, missionaries for the womb-divine and reclaim our innermost sanctums.

There are many layers happening in the folds of the sacred womb and womb healing, each connecting us and one another to our minds and our hearts. We must heal the original source of trauma, the Sacred Wound while also building (and bringing) the courage necessary to set good boundaries. Each of these things are NECESSARY to honor the sacred, honor the womb, honor women and heal. These are all essential components in the mind/body connection. But there is a fourth, like the little dot on the top right corner of the sacred Om symbol. There is a field that lies beyond that must be connected to in this sacred healing of the womb. Tantra Yoga therapy brings this piece, the Divinity or Spirit, into activating our wholeness.

The womb is the home of the Divine, the Divine Nectar that brings forth life, healing and movement of creation. Our wombs of course, must be healed as a collective…and in the healing we must acknowledge that which is sacred. The sacred is honored by slowing down, through breathing most fully into the deepest folds of who we are and what we are meant to carry. The divine is subtle, and so we need to take the time to pause and to fill with Her or That which replenishes us.

My understanding was that my personal anxiety was being fed by all of my movement in the world. My prana, the life force energy within me has been flowing mostly outside of me, perpetuating a feeling of running out of time. This triggers innately, a deep subconsious response that I must hold on for dear life! Holding my vital force, my eggs, my tissues and the deep pelvic organs organs has given me a false sense of security as a female human. The holding must ebb and flow while the boundaries of Self preservation (speaking up for oneself, not overtaxing oneself & feeling connection to a larger sense of support) stay strong. 

A wise friend once shared to me that boundaries shift depending on who you are around, thinning here and there for those you trust, getting thicker for others you don’t. I love that image, as a person who has not felt enough ‘control’ around personal boundaries and so I sometimes give too much or block too strongly. 

I feel it is time for the light of awareness to heal our sacred womb. This means we must activate our strengths, courage, & boundaries with awareness, filling so softly and slowly with pranic healing in the pauses of the day. This sweetness balanced with conscious actions of strength are devotional gifts to ourselves and the wounds we collectively carry, all the way “down there” into the womb. 

It is THIS DEVOTION and link to breath/sacred awareness (pranic healing) that will soothe our deep pain, my personaly anxiety, which centuries ago was a common female issue (“hysteria” (womb= ‘hyster’)) in women who did not have these tools, supports or insights. It is all linked. We are all linked. As women and even as men, honoring the divine feminine deep within our womb-bellies and the womb-belly of mama earth. 

So my gift today is to breath down low. Open more to breath within the right containment for the tissues of my body to soften and the spaces to flower open for receiving Grace& Divine Energy. I invite you to do the same…for if we all do it, as a collective of humans, we can again reclaim the word Yoni and bring back the Sacred Womb.