🌿 The Art of Withdrawal

Finding Your Way Through the Madness into Wholeness

Many ancient myths and faerie tales are wrought with the pain and suffering of “evil” and hardship. It is perhaps the plight of every human to face this sort of woe—to be tested and forged into who they are meant to become.

For some, though, it is as if they are entranced and have forgotten their mission, taking on the garb of predator and perpetrator (aka ‘evil’) to perpetuate the hardship this kind of forging requires.

When will we wake up to this most ancient story of pain—and choose differently?

For the past few days, I have been recovering from launching my Sage Apprenticeship—the cortisol withdrawal from such a strong push placing my mind into various pockets of desiring: more pushing, more adrenaline-seeking activity. And yet, I know this place well as a high-achieving spiritual entrepreneur—and I refuse to succumb to its unhealthy pattern.

Instead, I have deliberately cleared my plate of any social engagements or work demands (as they are, of course, never-ending) and am doing my best to let the high and low levels of stress hormones gently leave my body.

Through practice—yogasana, meditation—walks around the lakes in my town (these beautiful bodies of water soothing my adrenals and overactive thoughts), and light weightlifting (a contradictory phrase, but nonetheless perfect for high-achieving, flexible bodies), I seek balance.

But the adrenaline junkie in me is in withdrawal, and this “balance”—or coming back to a semblance of homeostasis amidst a world (country especially) in such turmoil—is proving quite the challenge.

I am heightenedly aware of finding myself—so very human-like—in most moments, continuing to seek external stimuli to change my state of “blah.”

“I am a creative, inspired person,” I think to myself, and this sort of pause makes me feel vulnerable to the woes of the world—and too mortal for my liking.

I am also in the midst of a year-long experience to not “state-change” with external substances like sugar and caffeine, but instead support my body in feeling the ebbs and flows of life.

So for now, in this experience of cortisol withdrawal, I am committed to this most awful of concepts—boredom—in the name of rest. And I am also committed to allowing the slow time needed for a healthy reset of my nervous system, mind, and lifestyle.

I am aware, too, that unlike many people on this planet (sorry if I sound elitist), I am not in a trance. I am very much awake.

And so—how to remain so amidst the storm, without shields and swords of distraction? Without agents for numbing and excitement?

This morning, when I awoke, I watched the sun rise and sent out my prayers to the five directions. I thought about the ancient symbol of the pentagram and its five-pointed star, representing both the elements and our relationship to them—our microcosmic elemental universe.

My thoughts wandered lovingly to how we find this secret, sacred symbol—demonized by some—hidden in our apples and beloved rowan berries, and as the remaining sepals of hawthorn flowers.

We are sacred beings, living in a magical reality where the intersection of the practical and the ordinary meets the mystery.

How could I ever be bored?

I held patient and strong as I watched my mind seek an Instagram fix, and instead turned toward the idea of finding a more reputable and valuable means to anchor my mind.

We have many anchors we can turn toward to harness the untamed thoughts that pull us out of our center and into the woes of the world.

I can list on both hands some that I personally go to: movement—such as yogasana, exercise, or dance; meditation—on sound, on breath, on the feeling of my body being led by my breath; nature exposure—whether pulling the weeds that threaten my little azaleas or planting the marigolds in my terra cotta planters that have been needing to be cleared of their summer inhabitants. I can cook a new autumn soup or blend and jar seasonal spices to enjoy over the winter when life gets a bit busy.

But in this time, as an overachiever—a pitta-dominant personality—I find less enthusiasm than usual, and many of my go-tos are still leaving me restless.

So I breathe in the discomfort and get ready for another day of Slow Time.

In these particular moments, I find the words of the ancients to be my solace. Whether it is an ancient myth of creation that helps me to see not just the plot, but the ferocity and ingenuity of the character, I can feel a resonance in the parts of myself that seek adventure and desire to learn and grow. Or sometimes it is an ancient scripture that supports me.

Ancient Words for a Modern Rest

So, pour a cup of tea, settle your breath, and let us turn together toward the stories that have carried light through centuries of darkness.

The Best

by Lao Tzu

The best, like water, benefit all and do not compete.
They dwell in lowly spots that everyone else scorns.

Putting others before themselves, they find themselves in the foremost place and come very near to the Tao.

In their dwelling, they love the earth.
In their heart, they love what is deep.
In personal relationships, they love kindness.
In their words, they love truth.
In the world, they love peace.
In personal affairs, they love what is right.
In action, they love choosing the right time.

It is because they do not compete with others that they are beyond the approach of the world.

The Lord of Life (renamed here as)

The Divine Mother

adapted from the Śvetāśvatara Upaniṣad

May we harness body and mind to see the Devi who dwells in everyone.
May we, with one-pointed mind, ever strive for blissful union with Her.
May our senses, through meditation, be trained to serve the Goddess of the Universe.

Great is the glory of the Divine Mother—
infinite, omnipresent, all-knowing.
She is known by the wise who meditate and conserve their vital energy.

Hear, O children of immortal bliss:
you are born to be united with Her.
Follow the path of the illumined ones and be united with the Divine Mother.

Ignite Kundalini in the depths of meditation.
Bring your breathing and mind under control.
Drink deep of divine love, and you will attain the unitive state.

Dedicate yourself to the Divine Mother, who is the cause of the cosmos, who is the Mother of the cosmos.
She will remove the cause of all your suffering and free you from the bondage of karma.

Be seated with spinal column erect and deep in words.
Turn the senses and mind inward.
With the mantra reverberating in your mind, cross the dread sea of birth and death.

Train the senses to be calm.
Regulate your activities to lead you to the goal.
Hold the reins of your mind as you hold the reins of restive horses.

Choose a place for meditation that is clean, quiet, and cool—
a cave with a smooth floor without stones and dust, protected against wind and rain, and pleasing to the eye.

In deep meditation, aspirants may see forms like snow or smoke.
They may feel a strong wind blowing or a wave of heat.
They may see within them more and more light—fireflies, lightning, sun, or moon.
These are signs that they are well on their way to Her.

Health, a light body, freedom from cravings, clear skin, sonorous voice, a pleasant demeanor—these are signs of progress in meditation.

As a dusty mirror shines bright when cleansed, so shines the one who realizes the Self, attains the goal, and passes beyond sorrow.

In the supreme climax of Samadhi, she realizes the presence of the Devi in her consciousness and is freed from all impurities.
She—the pure and deathless.

The Divine Mother is the womb of the cosmos, the creatrix who is in all creatures.
She is that which is born and to be born.
Her face is everywhere.

Please let us adore the Divine Mother who is present in fire and water, plants and trees.
Let us adore Her—the Divine Mother, the Mother of the Universe.

Closing Reflection

As I read these words to myself, I feel my pulse slow, my creeping adrenaline, ebb. The world softening at its edges I am invited to leave this screen now and go outside into autumn’s magnificence. I will leave you with these closing thoughts:

May your withdrawal be gentle, your rest nourishing, and your return to wholeness unobstructed. Enjoy today, dear one. xobrooke.